Sunday, November 20, 2011

The giving and the thanks

The holidays are right around the corner and the eat fest that is Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, primarily because of the aforementioned eat fest. I have been noticing a number of friends on Facebook doing this thing where for the month of November they make their daily status a "something I am thankful for" statement. I decided to make a list of things I am thankful for and while there are too many to list--I think I have some of the crucial stuff nailed down.

1. Air : I think I really appreciate you the most when I have a stuffy nose or almost choke on a too big bite of funnel cake. Without you I am nothing. Honorable thankful mention goes to water, food and shelter.

2. Band-Aids: What was the world like before Band-Aids? Oh, I know--an infected mess where adult life expectancy topped out at 40. Being a very accident prone person, I am so thankful for Band-Aids. Although, I must say they spent a lot of time being borderline racist until they came out with the clear ones.

3. Dogs and Cats: Only the really nice ones. The really nice ones can really turn a bad day around.

4. Air Travel: Can you imagine if it took 2 weeks to go from Texas to California? Or if it took 2 weeks to get anywhere? My best friend lives in Philly and if I could not fly to go see her, I might have to think about replacing her with someone closer to home---heartbreaking. In all seriousness she's not replaceable (she's totally going to read this).  Honorable thankful mention goes to highways, automobiles and mass transit.

5. Pockets: Without pockets where would I put my gum, brass knuckles, $5, worry stone, miniature hedgehog, keys, dream journal, polaroid camera, stinkbombs and machete? Right? A tip of the hat to you pockets!

6. Flyswatters: I don't own one, but if I did I would be thankful for it and I would enthusiastically use it to kill this fly that keeps flying really near to my face while I write this post. Oh man, it just landed on my pinky toe. Gross.

7. Hand Sanitizer: I can't believe I ever used a port a potty before the existence of hand sanitizer, but I did and it probably has something to do with why I had pink eye a lot in High School. So-- thanks hand sanitizer! Love, Brandi "hasn't had pink eye since the 90's" Weber

8. Email: It is really an effecient way to communicate AND when you pair up email technology with scanner technology it eradicates the need for FAX technology! I am thankful for no more stupid faxing.

9. The movie Bridesmaids: I know it's just a movie. I know it's just a little old funny movie and that in a world where the gross mistreatment of peaceful protestors goes unchecked, hate crimes and intolerance run rapant and war, greed and poverty afflict most nations we need funny stuff to keep us from going nuts---Bridesmaids does that.

10. My really long monkey arms: I can reach ALL KINDS OF STUFF!! I can also scratch most places on my own back if necessary. I can get stuff that falls into the floor boards of my car while driving and I can high five a million angels.

There's 10, but in all seriousness---I am really thankful for all kinds of stuff, like my friends and my cool job and the roof over my head and the sandwich I am about to eat. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope everybody gets some pie and down time with people they like to be around this week!

P.S.This is a hilarious holiday essay for you, but be warned profanity abounds. 11. McSweeney's